Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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