Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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