She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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