so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
