What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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