Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
