Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
