I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Couch. On fire.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
