Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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