Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
