I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
