If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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