Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
