you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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