I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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