I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
