i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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