so explain again why im purple
no
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
