Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
