Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
