I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
