just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
