wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
