btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
