I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
