Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
