Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
