I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The power of my boobs compel you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
