Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
