did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
