I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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