Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
