Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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