the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
