He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
