god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
