I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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