There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
