just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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