i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
