ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
