So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
