The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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