So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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