I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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