i jhust puked up my retainher.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
