I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
