well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
