My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
