So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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