Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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