If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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