i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
