How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
