i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Acid is not a monday night drug
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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