Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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