Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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