Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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