official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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