I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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