We're facebook friends in real life
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
