i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need a beard to bite.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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